Return of the Germs
by the-siRNA
Summary: He thought he had seen the last of them. How mistaken was he. They are back to avenge their fallen. How will Zim deal with this?
1. Chapter 1: This Is Not The End

**Return of the Germs**

 **A/N: Jhonen Vasquez owns Invader Zim and other cannon characters that may be present on this story. However, I do own Staphy and his ilk.**

 **Chapter 1: This is not the End**

 _*Dramatic music*_

Long ago, twelve schmilllion generations to be exact, our kind lived in harmony. Then everything changed when an enormous green being attacked. Not even the 0.01% of the original population survived this holocaust. So methodical, so calculated, merciless, and precise. Only I, Staphy, remained. I am all that is left of my people. The only witness against the atrocities perpetuated by that green being! I saw my precursor, the one who gave life to me through binary fission, brutally assassinated before my eyes, as I hid like a coward. I will never forget the horrible zipper-like and malicious grin of the attacker.

I vowed revenge. I vowed to return my kind to their former glory, but first I had to create an army. The most powerful and unstoppable ever! This proved to be a challenge, as I was on my own, and the few other microbes that survived were too frightened to lay their cilia, flagella, or pseudopodia on the green being's home. Fools! Cowardly fools! I told them that fate was on our side. We survived after all. What other than fate smiling down on us could our survival mean? We clearly had a purpose, and that purpose was revenge. I would not hide again like a coward! This time I would fight the green menace and bring him to his knees!

They did not join me. I was on my own. I had to keep my biological functions to their most basic levels, given the hostile environment. Until one day, after a heavy meal of nutrients left behind by a strange and kind metallic being, I found myself undergoing binary fission. I had progeny of my own! It was so beautiful and exactly like myself. Then I saw him. He looked angry, scowl on his face, hands on his hips. "Gir! What have I told you about cleaning up after yourself?" he said in that horribly shrill voice of his.

"I don't wanna," the kind metallic being, now dressed as a green doggy, protested rightfully. He would not stand for the atrocities committed by his master. To him we owe the restoration of our former glory. He will be worshipped after we destroy the green being. It was he who allowed me to bear progeny. The green being fumed, "Do I have to do everything?!" Unintelligible words followed after this remark. He left the room and returned in the armor he wore when he slaughtered our people. I nearly emptied my vacuoles of their contents*. He was back, disinfectant aerosol in hand, ready to exterminate me and my progeny!

But O! What providence! What divine intelligence! That my progeny should survive as well as me. I saw the green being's face contort with rage and fear. "What?! It's not working! Why! Won't! You! Die!" As flurry after flurry of antibiotic-laden disinfectant fell upon us to no avail. He thought he had seen the last of us. It gave me great joy to see his eyes feel with fear. I ate and ate to form more progeny to fight against the green menace. Our army encroached upon the green being, growing exponentially every second. We could savor his fear through the compounds that permeated through his skin. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me! You will not have my spooch!" he was near tears. Oh what fun shall we have! How horribly delightful our vengeance will be!

 **A/N: I love the "Germs" episode; I find it so relatable. I constantly think of microbes in my surroundings, and more so given my educational background. I don't know where I will go with this story, but it will probably be based on my experiences of coming to terms with this germy world. So as silly as the prompt is, there may be slight character development on behalf of Zim. Bacteria are scary MFs! That's the take-home message. I am open to commentary based on my writing. If I am stuck I will let you guys now, as I will gladly accept guidance because I want this finished. Can you spot the references?**

 *** So** __ **does not have vacuoles. Vacuoles are very rare in prokaryotes, but I wanted to add emotion to Staphy. It's pretty difficult in a non-humanoid non-eukaryotic organism.**


	2. Chapter 2: Gross

**AN: Sorry for the delay. I was feeling uninspired for a while and trying to find a job. I hope my writing is decent. I feel like I am bad at conveying emotions and I tend to overuse big words. I also feel I tend to avoid dialogue. Probably because I am not much of a talker IRL. Any tips on that?**

 **Chapter 2: Gross**

Zim woke up to find himself incapable of movement; he was stuck in something gooey and stinky. To say that Zim was hyperventilating would be an understatement. The tiny Irken was attempting to breathe so harshly that his tiny, usually unnoticeable nostrils flared up taking in the horrible stench of the sentient filth that bound him. Normally he would have covered his nostrils and gagged. But his need for the oxygen he wasn't getting due to his shallow breathing was too much. The last thing he remembered was the encroaching army of microbes. He was almost completely submerged in slimy and disgusting biofilm. He attempted to free himself, first by kicking and screaming, but he was far too enveloped within the biofilm to tear himself free.

It then occurred to him to use his PAK. He winced as he focused all of his brain power to wield his PAK legs, but the ports were sealed shut, as his PAK was entirely submerged. When he managed to free himself he would burn his attire and the germs would pay! Oh, how much would they pay! This time he would be more thorough with his cleaning. No survivors would remain. Wait…

Hadn't these germs survived his antibacterial spray? Zim cursed his luck. He was surrounded by anti-alien 'splodey germs that would eventually make their way to his delicious entrails if he was lucky enough to avoid exploding. Zim felt hopeless. Zim was never the kind to accept defeat, even in the face of impending doom. No one had ever believed in him, being an Irken runt. Yet he remained unabashed in his pursuit of greatness. Ever the punching bag at the academy, he never surrendered to his Tallers even if it would have spared him further beatings. He never backed down from his attempts at conquest despite all his failures. All those times he was convinced he was an unstoppable death machine unlike anything the Empire had ever seen. Zim did not feel like an unstoppable death machine right now… He was at the mercy of microscopic beings! How pathetic! He was ashamed for once. He felt smaller than a microbe. The mighty Irken Invader Zim reduced to nourishment for insignificant microbes! He was feeling rather light-headed…

Then he saw cyan light through his downcast orbs and his breathing slowed enough to keep him conscious. It was Gir! His very advanced SIR unit! He saw the film retreat as the robot walked towards him. This was his chance! "Gir! Let your master out of this filth immediately!" a desperate Zim exclaimed.

"I made you waffles!" Gir shrieked. Zim paled as he realized the direction this was going.

"No, Gir! I will not eat your waffles again!" he struggled against the biofilm. "Let me out now!" the struggle continued. "Obey your master!" He would not subject himself to the torture of Earthen foods produced by his robot EVER AGAIN. He shuddered at the memory of having to fight the demon squid while his spooch was practically bursting with bacon-soap and waffles. The pain!

The robot began to wail. Suddenly, a portion of the biofilm took on an Irkenoid shape. "You will do as the Savior commands, green fiend!" The germy being added "Now, you will politely ask the Savior for nourishment or we will colonize your wounds and entrails!"

"No! My blood candies! No! No!" Zim shuddered and shrieked.

The Irkenoid colony was seemingly irritated by Zim's screams. A gigantic arm connected to a fist composed of biofilm materialized and slapped the Irken hard enough to dislodge one of the Irken's ruby orbs. Zim screamed as his orb was placed back in its socket. Surely, there were germs inside him now! The colony took the opportunity to stuff the Irken with Gir's waffles. A tear rolled down the Irken's cheek. His throat was uncomfortably stretched, he forced the offending foodstuffs down. He felt his spooch contorting, reflux further injuring his throat. He felt horrible. The spooch juices made his way to his mouth and he couldn't hold it in. He puked all over the place.

He was disoriented when he had finally emptied his spooch. Then it dawned on him, he was free! Biofilm is made of polysaccharides, exactly what Irkens are best at digesting. The colony was mourning the bindings Zim had destroyed. Gir was rolling around in Zim's vomit. Zim ran towards the kitchen and jumped into the toilet that led towards his laboratory. He needed to concoct a more effective antibacterial agent or something.

"Get him!" Staphy commanded. Swarms of goo crawled over towards the toilet.

Zim was in his lab, frantically pouring acids into a beaker. Staphy's army got closer and closer…

Zim jumped into the table, accidentally kicking the beaker into the floor. The acid seeped into the floor and into the underlying machinery. The colony avoided it and climbed up behind Zim, making him stumble upon a former invention, the shrink ray, to be exact. He had used it on himself to erase Dib's knowledge of where he had hidden compromising footage. He had taken it out in hopes of either shrinking the Dib's enormous head to make it less offensive to the senses or to remind the rapidly growing human who the superior being was.

The ray hit Zim. The colony found itself gawking at the spot the Irken had previously occupied. Had the fiend been vanquished? It would need to scour the lab for the highly dispersed remains of the fiend to be sure.

 **AN: So biofilm is a slimy polysaccharide produced by colonies of bacteria that find themselves through quorum sensing (how bacteria communicate) that protects the colony from threats such as antibiotics. Or a harsh environment. My headcanon on Irken bio is that their spooch acids easily eat through polysaccharides we can't digest, such as cellulose, in addition to those we can digest. I mean, all we ever see them eat is very high-carb.**


	3. Chapter 3: A Time to be so Small

**Chapter 3: A Time to be So Small**

 **AN: The chapter title is a song by Interpol. Chapter inspired by** _ **Alien**_ **. Rated T due to my foul language towards the end of the chapter.**

Zim's surroundings were unidentifiable. One second he is stumbling on his cluttered work table, the next he doesn't know what he is looking at. He could only see uniform textures of very familiar purplish-pink hues. Had he been teleported? No. He had not been working in a teleporting machine recently. What else had he been working on? His jaw fell as he realized what had just occurred. He had shrunk! He was just as tiny (actually tinier but there is no way he would EVER admit that) than those filthy germs!

He picked up a disgusting scent, his pursuers were near! He hid in an "alley" that was actually two adjacent metal toolboxes atop his work table. He had nowhere to hide within the alley. He was doomed if one of them saw him. His worst fears materialized as he heard talking. "He is dead now! We haven't found a trace of him yet. He probably vaporized himself with one of his inventions. He is stupid enough to do that… I don't understand why I have to patrol with YOU of all germs!" A clearly annoyed germ stated matter-of-factly. It had squinty eyes for some reason.

"I know he is out there, Staz!" a very excitable germ with scythe-like flagella, Stib, yelled out. A grunt could be heard from Staz. "I must find him to prove to our Lord Staphy my worth. That I am not a waste of nutrients! And to show much I appreciate him for taking us in when we ventured into the Base from the Outside." The very excitable germ finished. There was something familiar about those germs. It was on the tip of Zim's tongue, but for the life of him, he couldn't place it. He didn't know what was so familiar about those blobby filthy things. That is, until he remembered that one of them claimed to have come from outside the Base. Zim fumed. The Dib! That filthy big-headed boy planted his germs during the last intrusion! How much intelligence had they gathered from Zim!? How much did the Dib know already?! He…would…pay…

He climbed the alley "wall" and jumped, PAK legs extended. Staz and Stib didn't even notice him until they were pierced by PAK legs. Cytosol leaked from their wounds. It was mostly made of water, Zim noticed. He would make sure to avoid it. Stib writhed in pain. "You will not get away with this!"

With a triumphant smirk Zim replied, "Oh, but I already have!" As he towered over the fallen germs.

"Wipe that smug grin off your face, you weird green evil thing! I will let the rest know that you were here." Stib made a strange expression that looked out of place outside the restroom and proceeded to release chemo attractants from his being. It was disgusting. Zim shuddered. He would need to recur to deleting that memory off his PAK once everything cleared up. Now he had to make sure these chemicals did not make it far. He would have to act now, when they were still coming out of Stib.

"Your voices are stupid! Let me die in peace!" yelled Staz.

It then occurred to Zim that maybe he should shoot both germs to eliminate all trails. He did so. In the end, only microscopic dust remained. He took a small vacuum cleaner from his PAK, leaving no evidence of the events that had unfolded. He had to leave, as he was now faced with the realization that this was not a good hiding place, and the commotion had attracted germs despite his best efforts. He could smell them.

Using his PAK legs, he fled. He ran away from the disgusting smells. He now faced a desolate area. It was dark and littered with dried out germ components, as if the germ had exploded and the water had evaporated. Zim shuddered, glad to not be exposed to the watery substance the germs leaked when pierced.

Why had these germs exploded? Had they attempted to detonate Zim's beautiful base so as to keep him from fulfilling his mission? Fools! Zim's base would NEVER succumbed to their pathetic explodiness. Zim made sure to make it of the strongest alloys in the universe after many explosive events occurred. Zim smiled. Their sacrifices were to no avail. They lost everything and still failed. It was the greatest feeling.

Zim proceeded to walk in the direction of the detonated germs. If they were conscious and still clinging to life, how he would gloat! Too bad they weren't here to bask in their failure at the hands of the mighty invader Zim.

Suddenly, Zim was knocked of his feet by a screeching thing with spidery legs and an icosahedral head. Its pointed teeth curled into a snarl. "Aaahhhhhhhhhhrgh! Get it off me! Get it off me! Get it off me!" Zim screamed for aid to no one in particular as he ran in circles. The wretched thing wouldn't budge from his face. Zim's screams attracted more of those things, and they all jumped on him. Clutching on to his body with their pointed spidery legs.

Zim managed to remove the first specimen from his face, as it was about to stab him with some little spikes on the base of its legs. He smashed its head against a wall. A string of deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) fell out of it. The relief was short-lived as he felt his skin be punctured in other parts of his body. He saw the germs attempting to inject deoxyribonucleic acid into his wounds. He janked them out, holding them by the DNA string they tried to violate him with. He smashed some of them against the walls and shot some of them with his PAK. They kept coming.

He was fine. He janked the DNA just in time. However, this was not the main reason he had survived the attack. Zim is not originally microscopic. And unlike the unicellular organisms these things feasted upon, the entirety of Zim consisted of many tinier-than-microscopic cells. This made it difficult for the things (bacteriophages) to invade his nucleus and hijack his genetic machinery through the incorporation of their genome into his. The DNA would be impossible to fit into his cells as they were. Of course, Zim didn't know this.

They had punctured his torso in vain in their desire to reproduce. This proved to only be slightly painful to Zim, rather than deadly. The wounds would not hinder Zim. He was a mighty Irken invader after all. He would not succumb to these… things. No matter how tired he was. He would endure for the mission and for the empire.

As he was fighting off swarms of weird spider-rape things, he picked up the scent of the germs. They were here! Great! Just fucking great! Now he either was going to explode thanks to some kamikaze germ or be impregnated by these… things. And have weird spider-rape babies burst out of his chest… Ugh, he shuddered. His mission would be compromised if either of those happened!

"Aha! There you are! You thought you could escape from us?! Didn't you?" a germ fell from seemingly out of nowhere besides Zim. Zim didn't have time for this shit. So he merely grabbed ahold of it and chucked it out into the swarm of spider-rapists. Maybe they would explode or something, giving him some clearance in his fight.

He had not expected that. The swarm paid no heed to him and followed the chucked out germ. Its shrieks of pain resonated as the… things injected their genome into its being. It did not take long for the offspring to burst out of the germ. An idea occurred to Zim.

 **AN: I think I am getting better at this. This is the longest chapter I've ever written so far. Zim encountered the T4 bacteriophage, a double-stranded DNA virus. If you want to know how it looks like, you can look it up. I will make an electron microscopy picture of the T4 bacteriophage the image for this fic. They do look like something JV or Giger would come up with. The germs lost cytosol, a watery substance that carries nutrients and such. Also, what Stib attempted was chemotaxis, bacteria use chemo-attractants to communicate and tell other cells to come so that they may form a colony, etcetera.**


	4. Chapter 4: yet so Dangerous

**Chapter 4:**

 **AN: Sorry for taking so long. I finally obtained a full-time job and earned a Master's degree. However, I have felt rather uninspired and drained lately. I have just been lurking around here reading other fics and commenting on those I enjoy. So here we see Zim's plan into action. I am also quite depressed with current events such as the decimation of the Emperor Penguin population due to global warming. If we keep this shit up, Zim won't have a planet to conquer.**

"Hey!..Hey!...Hey!HEY!Hey! You stupid blobs of filth and dookie! Look over here!" Zim managed to capture the attention of the germs that had caused him so much hardship. Much to his chagrin, he had to follow their disgusting stench and endanger himself. It would be as if he was willingly trapping himself between the Earth's filthy ocean and a horde of Digestors.

"There he is! The idiotic green menace! Get him!" A germ screeched as the hordes approached him. Zim's PAK legs sprouted as he headed towards the viral swarm. How he wished the swarm was closer.

The colony saw through his intentions far too late. Bacteriophages latched onto each bacterium and injected their deadly seed into them. Some tried to alert their comrades to danger, using the last reserves of energy to produce chemokines. Their faces contorted as if they were taking a shit, much like Stib did before perishing. Before the blobs of filth could secrete their chemokines, however, their cell wall and membrane ruptured due to the efficient replication of viruses. The whole spectacle was disgusting and pathetic to Zim. He still needed to find the switch of his shrinking device, so that he may return to his original mighty form.

He ran while the slaughter of the colony occurred. Some bacteriophages followed him. They were blasted into oblivion by his PAK lasers.

 **-Several Hours Later-**

He was short of breath.…. He had found the lever. He climbed using his PAK legs onto its edge and jumped up and down, intending to get it to go down. It was not working! He was too light! He was tiny, alone, and pathetic… just like he had always been pretty much all his life. He could not do this on his own, but he should be able to. Nothing is impossible for an Invader for Invaders are the mightiest. Invaders need no one. If he didn't get out of this situation and return to his mission, he had failed the Tallests. Squabbled their generosity like an idiotic pig-smelly! He would not be able to live with himself and would rather be lysed by bacteriophages or slowly digested in the bacterial swarm.

HE HAD TO GO BACK THERE, to that pit of horrors and filth.

The Invader dejectedly walked over to the warzone. Not knowing what to do. He would figure it out, like he always did. He just knew he would not live in failure. The bacterial swarm noticed him. The swarm exuded rage all around. "That's him! The one who has cost us so many!" What remained of the bacterial swarm focused on him entirely. The viral swarm followed suit. All the microorganisms in the base wanted to kick his ass beyond recognition, and the viruses were horny and were after both the bacterial swarm and his green ass. Zim maneuvered his PAK legs as fast as he could.

 **-Several hours later-**

The lever was within reach. Zim leaped atop of it. The now-visible bacterial swarm followed, forming into a fist, about to wreck Zim's pretty face. Zim felt the impact as the lever came crashing down. Portions of his cartilaginous teeth falling out. The viral swarm, quickly consumed the bacterial swarm as the ray blasts out, engulfing Zim in its aggrandizing radiation.

Zim was back to his original puny, I mean, mighty form. He could feel the PAK working overtime to fix the damage. He had succeeded! He was back on track to conquer that filthy ball of dirt he had been…banished, I mean, stationed to. He heard instruments being knocked over the table. He had not been the only one zapped by the growth ray! Some of the bacterial swarm had followed. They were ready to do what his Tallests couldn't, I mean, dreaded... finish him off!

"Haha, you're not so tough now, little man?!" A smug bacterium taunted as Zim was surrounded and his extremities were entrapped within the swarm. As peptidoglycan production ensued, complaining became rampant amongst the swarm.

"I can't procure the resources to create peptidoglycan!"

"I need to get smaller! I can't keep this up!"

"I hun…. ger!"

"I don't feel so good, ," a rather young comrade whimpered. Staphy's heart broke. Staphy didn't know what was going on. He was feeling it too. He was running critically low on nutrients. They were doomed! He had doomed them all with his thirst for vengeance! They should have avoided the ray, the sudden change in surface area to volume ratio had significantly slowed down the nutrient diffusion rates of their surroundings.

Well, if they were going to die, they would take HIM with them! And so, they encroached upon the invader, they would tear him apart and use his puny remains for nutrients, as little as they would last in this new diffusion rate. They were so weak. The invader broke from their grasp and proceeded to annihilate them with his PAK legs and lasers. The swarm was naught but a pile of ash when Zim was done with them.

Zim was safe now. He went to retrieve a clean uniform and incinerated what remained of the partially digested one he had previously worn. These… germs… these… viruses. They were so small yet so dangerous…

 **A/N: I am wondering about those weird, childish, rude-ass guest comments? Did you mean to comment on this fic? I think not. I didn't even mention Tallest Purple, lol. And you don't even know who I am. GTFO.**

 **I would like to thank Megxolotl for reminding me to update this fic. There will be one or two more chapters after this one, depending on how inspired I am, and how long I can write one chapter. I am glad you have learned from this fic, lol that's college lol. I am glad my amateur writing is good enough.**

 **FUN FACT: There is something called the Lysogenic cycle, wherein viruses don't burst out immediately after infecting the cell and producing multiple copies. The virus integrates its genetic material into the cell's and allows the cell to continue with its life, reproducing copies with the viral genome integrated into them, until some event triggers the virus bursting out of the cell. Zim would've been SO FUCKING screwed if the viruses had undergone lysogeny instead of immediate lysis. The bacterial swarm died because their surface area to volume ratio changed VERY drastically and suddenly. Usually cells regulate this based on available conditions to maintain homeostasis. I didn't make the viruses giant as well because I am lazy. So, the ray didn't reach them. And I like the idea of the swarm dying out in a very pathetic manner, like the Martians did in War of the Worlds.**


	5. Chapter 5: Is this Victory?

**Chapter 5: Is this Victory?**

 **AN: I tried my best to complete this ASAP. I try to tap into mental states here. I hope it's decent, because, it's my weakness.**

How could something so small be so dangerous? Zim pondered. These germs, they were stinky, gooey, blobs. They were anything but mighty! They had no spiked, hardened exterior, they were microscopic, and they were only a threat when united.

Viruses were another story…Those things belonged to the Halloweenie dimension! Zim swore he had seen something like them in one of the science fiction movies Gir loved to rent. It was one of the few he had enjoyed. Those foolish humans! They never stood a chance against the deadly lifeform.

Viruses survived at all costs. They didn't even have the proper molecular machinery to replicate themselves, so they borrowed it from their host. They just wanted to survive, replicate like everyone else did. It just happened to be at the cost of their host's life. They were feared, misunderstood for wanting to do what other organisms did.

Zim had done similar things in the past. He would not be provided with proper equipment, being considered a runt, and an obnoxious and defective one at that. Why would they waste equipment on such a defective excuse for an Irken? I mean, such a superior Irken. He was OBVIOUSLY held to higher expectations! However, sometimes he had to admit he could not meet… that those expectations were unachievable by ANYONE BUT ZIM! As Irk's mightiest soldier, he was doing Irk a favor by not dying and continuing his service.

He always had to ensure that he had the essentials at any cost. Even if it meant going against his superiors' orders, which wasn't hard when EVERY recruit was his superior. Due to his diminutive height, he was often told he was better suited to be a Table Drone and ordered to grovel before them. Spite had kept him going through the grueling Invader training. They were all wrong…and they would see it someday! Once he becomes the Ruler of this dirtball!

He had ensured he could serve the Armada through his passionate input in regards to his Mission Assignment. He had stolen a Voot Cruiser to escape from his sadistic boss, Sizzlorr, who had a worrisome fixation on him… I mean, to serve Irk where he was NEEDED most. As the most valuable asset to Irk, he knew WHERE he was needed most. He was the BEST, and as such he should be assigned to the most dangerous and important missions! They NEEDED him, even if they could not see it.

Zim had always been assigned to the frontlines, being a short defect, and a loss any Irken would rejoice over. No, he was in the frontlines because he was the BRAVEST and MIGHTIEST. And Irk knew he could be counted on to survive any situation! Irk knows how many assassination attempts, I mean… tests, he had PASSED.

Microbes were dangerous opponents, a threat to Humanity, much like Zim himself. Zim realized he could use these germs Earth was booby-trapped with against its inhabitants. Zim rushed to his lab. He would make the deadliest pandemic Humanity had ever encountered. The Bubonic Plague would look like the Common Cold in comparison!

It took Zim a few hours, being the GENIUS, he was, to alter the genome of the common viruses he had isolated into the deadliest humanity had ever see. He made sure it would only affect the humans. This was surprisingly easy, as Irken cells had a slightly different molecular machinery. Irken cells required double the energy a human cell would use. However, their machinery allowed for more telomere conservation, and better proofreading of replicated genetic material. This was why pitiful Humans had such measly lifespans and they could not subsist on a diet based solely on carbohydrates and ate dookie-filled meat and beans.

The virus was highly contagious, it was airborne and could survive on surfaces far longer than any virus known to mankind. Zim would be unleashing it soon, and who better to infect first than his archnemesis? The Dib! Zim had to make it even deadlier if it meant this was the way he defeated his nemesis. He had to be proud of his biological weapon, else, better defeats and better albeit not practical plans would taunt him forevermore after The Dib's death. The virus that would take Dib's life and vanquish Humanity had to be PERFECT!

Speaking of which, Zim didn't have to lift a finger to get the Dib to show up. The human had infiltrated his base already while Zim was microscopic, finding no obstacles other than the mounds of filth he had to traverse in the living room, courtesy of Gir. He smelled like shit. The human felt uneasy. WHERE was Zim? He took the chance to get to the deepest parts of the Base. Out of nowhere, Zim zapped into place. The human hid, he had to figure out what the hell was going on.

Zim is VERY focused. He hasn't said a word, and other than an occasional giggle, no sound escapes from his lips. Hell, he even made sure to Gir-proof the lab! Since when does Zim think things through? This is like the time he tricked Dib into thinking his future self had come to warn him against Zim's ploy. Were it not for sheer luck and Gaz's temper, Earth would be no more. Dib doesn't like this. He needs to get in between Zim and his task. He can't let Zim finish! He sneaks behind Zim, who is working with petri dishes and very delicate tools, and sweeps Zims's legs off the floor. Zim faceplants on the floor and his project follows. Glass breaks and fluids spill. Dib finds that he's come in contact with the mysterious substance. He quickly sheds his trench coat, fearing corrosive effects. "What have you doused me with, Zim?!" Dib inquires angrily. "You will NEVER get away with this!"

Zim wanted to protest how he never did any dousing; the Dib had done that all by HIMSELF. And that he had already gotten away with it. The way he got away with IT, made his victory kinda lame, but it would do, I guess. But his FACE was still married to the floor, and as such he hadn't been able to respond. He lifted himself up, wiping away the debris from his project the Dib had so INCONSIDERATELY interrupted. Zim was filthy now, thanks to the Dib. At least he didn't have to worry about viruses bursting out of his cells, though. Ha, the Dib had gotten what he deserved! Zim began laughing maniacally. Dib looked on with a concerned expression.

 **AN: I think there may be a couple more chapters afterwards. I have two possible paths, should I take the easy way out and make Membrane fix it, or should I try to go through character development, in regards to Zim? Vote, lol.**

 **So, hope you enjoyed my very obvious Zim is a virus analogy lol. Viruses keep bacterial populations in check, and bacterial populations break down organic materials so that their components may be reused. I head-canon Zim to be a force of entropy. Used to keep the Universe's organism populations in check and that the Universe's resources are recycled. And Dib is kinda the one thing that keeps him in check. Makes sure he doesn't destroy too much.**

 **I am convinced Zim stole all of his shitty equipment with the exception of Gir. He obviously stole the Voot cruiser while escaping from Foodcourtia, and he probably stole the base from another invader that met an unsightly end. This is unrelated, but Lord Commander from Final Space reminds me of Zim. I think I overused the calling your enemy "The Dib" or "The Gary".**

 **I headcannon Zim was always placed in a position to be directly in harm's way, so that Irk may get rid of him. Ants do similar things, and unsurprisingly, Irkens are very much like ants. There is an interview with Dr. Mark W. Moffet on ant warfare and tactics. And it's very Irken(no spaces and replace words for corresponding symbols).**

 **https colon double slash wired dot com slash 2010 slash 08 slash gallery-ant-warfare slash**


	6. Chapter 6: Intruder

**Chapter 6: Intruder**

The Irken's laughter reverberated throughout the base. How was Zim not out of breath yet? When did this alien jerk breathe? Tears of joy were pooling under Zim's sockets, the Irken flicked them away with a claw. "Is this like the time you soaked me in goo that would make me explode if I ever experienced happiness? I am not sure what this is meant to be doing."

"Oh... Dib. You silly Earth-monkey." Zim sneered. "Unlike that time, where you UNFORTUNATELY DID NOT EXPLODE, despite the goo being an INGENIOUS weapon OF MINE, you will PERISH!"

"The Happy Explodey Goo was not even effective at ridding us forever of Keef, YOU IDIOT!"

"YOU LIE!" Zim screeched suddenly, causing Dib to flinch. The Irken's screeches were difficult to predict and get used to despite how long he had observed the Irken.

"I got rid of KEEF for more than two weeks! This was EXACTLY what I had INTENDED! All part of the PLAN! YES!" The Irken protested.

Dib just rolled his eyes. The Irken would never admit to failure. There were higher stakes than pissing Zim off, like figuring out what the liquid that splattered over his coat was and what could become of him. "Come on, Zim! Tell me what your plan is!"

"Foolish Dib, as if I would reveal my plan just so you can stop me. But either way, the effects should be starting shortly, and you've already set the plan in motion with YOUR INTERFERENCE. You will meet your DEMISE soon enough." Zim smugly sneered.

"Computer!" yelled the irritated Irken. The damn base's AI never seemed to do its work. It had allowed the Dib to waltz into his base. The only thing that damned computer ever did was nag, nag, nag. "Get HIM!" Zim pointed at Dib, teeth bared. Coils sprung up from around the base and encroached upon the Human. A tendril had curled around Dib's ankle. The Human nearly dislocated his ankle trying to get it out. It would be horribly swollen tomorrow.

Dib narrowly made it out the door, and slammed it shut on the tendrils. Only to be met with laser fire from Zim's gnomes. The human was agile and narrowly managed to evade them. The only casualty being his scythe-shaped lock of hair. Just when he had bought a new hairspray…

Dib feared that time was running short. What had he been doused with? Would he turn into baloney AGAIN? He didn't think so, Zim was not the type to reuse plans, and he was glad. He still had nightmares from some of those very disturbing schemes… The Human ran as fast as he could, through a dense crowd. He stumbled across a man to be met with, "Watch where you're going, moron!"

Dib quickly got up and continued to run. The house appeared to be empty, but it was not. Gaz had the habit of avoiding him like the plague. And he could smell incinerated beans… His sister was developing a worrisome penchant for arson and explosives. This was the tenth microwave they had gone through within the week. She had said something about wanting to cleanse the world with fire or something. Something about being disgusted with where Humanity is headed. Dib didn't understand her apathy towards Zim. Why didn't she ever try to stop him?

Sure, Earth was bad. Earth was ruled by a corrupt world-wide organization with a lobotomized puppet, known as Mr. President, for a figurehead. Earth was polluted. So much that there were children that looked more alien than Zim himself. Earth was constantly at war within itself. Resources were scarce for those, who unlike the Membranes, did not have a powerful figure as a Father. Generations before them not knowing when to stop. Current generations still not willing to stop and turning to Professor Membrane for other more viable options for commodities. The red sky outside, a monument to past wars. A monument to death. But it STILL was BETTER than being taken over by Zim, right? WHO KNEW what the Alien scum would do if it weren't for Dib! Dib clung to the idea of a marginally lesser evil. He disagreed with his Sister's notion that Humanity was like a vegetative patient. Something just begging to be put out of its misery with no hope of recovery in the foreseeable future. Dib didn't believe his hope was misplaced. Dib believed in people. Dib believed in what could be.

He went to his room to retrieve his laptop. He inserted a DNA probe into his vein and into the designated slot. "UNKNOWN VIRAL GENETIC MATERIAL INCORPORATED WITH HIGH MUTATION RATE," the device informed him. ZIM, THAT BASTARD, HAD INFECTED HIM WITH A VIRUS!

"Computer, what are the symptoms? How much time do I have left? How is it transmitted? Huh!" Dib beseeched the computer. "SUBJECT HAS BEEN INFECTED FOR 2 HOURS. THE VIRUS IS TRANSMITTED BY AIRBORNE MEANS AND CONTACT. THE VIRUS HAS NOT BEEN SEEN BEFORE BUT IT SHARES SIMILARITIES WITH EBOLA, THE 1918 INFLUENZA STRAIN, THE COMMON COLD, AND THE RABIES VIRUS BASED ON ITS GENOME. THE VIRUS IS CAPABLE OF SURVIVING IN SURFACES FOR TWO WEEKS. POSSIBLE SYMPTOMS INVOLVE ORBITAL BLEEDING, INCREASED AGGRESSION, LOSS OF PRECISE MOTOR FUNCTION, DISSOCIATION, AND HALLUCINATIONS. EVENTUAL SYSTEMIC ORGAN FAILURE DUE TO NECROSIS. INCUBATION PERIOD OF 24 HOURS, BUT CONTAGION IS POSSIBLE WITHIN THAT STAGE."

Dib blanched as he processed the information he'd been given. This was something out of a zombie movie. He needed to contact his Father immediately, as he had possibly spread the virus in his haste to escape Zim's base. Dib needed to contact his Father NOW. Dib dialed his Father's work phone.

Luckily, Membrane answered. This was unusual, as he was always busy with research that kept Humanity from dying out. Toast that provided all the nutrients of a balanced diet in a world with little arable land. Cures for illnesses. Vaccines to cultivate immunity amongst the population towards the harsh conditions of the modern wasteland. "Dr. Zeitgeist? I was expecting your call. I am proud to announce the calculations for mass production of Super Toast version 7.0 are ready."

"DAD! This is ME, DIB!" Dib blurted out.

"Now, now, son, what have I told you of calling while I am at work?" Membrane chastised in a calm voice. A knot formed in Dib's throat. Surely, he would be pushed aside like ALWAYS! EVEN WHEN he was also trying to save Humanity. No one ever listened to him and he would die IGNORED!

"I am dying, DAD! I am sick with a DEADLY VIRUS! AND I WILL KILL if I don't get help in the next 22 hours because I WILL NO LONGER BE DIB!" The boy yelled out, hoping to catch his Father's attention for once. Hoping for his words to be heard. Tears rolled down his face. He had little time left. All because he couldn't mind his own business. No, Zim would've released the virus sooner or later. He just sped things up a little.

"SON! DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC!" Membrane called out.

"BUT YOU WON'T HELP ME! YOU NEVER DO! YOU NEVER LISTEN. NO ONE EVER HELPS OR LISTENS TO ME! And I doubt EVEN YOU CAN CURE ME!" Dib felt a strange sort of catharsis.

"SON! I will be there in half an hour with specialized disease-containment personnel! DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC!"

Half-an hour passed, and the residence was being stormed in a SWAT-like manner. Figures in hazmat suits surrounded him and stuffed him within a containment bubble. The personnel carried him out through a team effort.

 **AN: Been busy dying thanks to the curse (JUST KIDDING, I don't need a curse to have a morbid temperament and to die in the next few decades thanks to the many ecological catastrophes caused by corporate greed. I can die and be hopeless on my own. YAY.) I just hate brainless Syphilis-infested brats that believe in magic and proceed to spam me with a passion. And I will never be sorry for telling such brats to kill themselves, because there are horrible people in the world that honestly the world would be better off without. I can care about people and hate horrible people simultaneously because horrible people make the world shitty for the rest. Why is it expected to be tolerant to horrible people? That just allows them to thrive when their nest should be incinerated.**

 **So, enough of my morbid ranting. I am glad to learn you guys have been enjoying this tale. I am HONORED. I made up a lot of shit in this chapter. And I hope I didn't come off as unbearably preachy and morbid. It's up to you, the reader to decide, whether my points are valid or not. I do not hold the keys to the universe and am a fallible individual. And don't worry about me, I am actually doing fine life-wise, I've actually had good news. I've always just been of gloomy disposition and threats just strengthen my resolve to exist out of spite.**

 **Zim represents Denial, Gaz represents Despair, and Dib represents Hope. There are more chapters to come. I have interesting things planned for this tale, given that I continue to stray further from what I originally planned every day). And I promise to finish this tale.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Containment**

Dib found himself in the bowels of Membrane Laboratories. He was still inside the bubble. Large cables were attached to it, to supply Oxygen and contain Dib's illness. White coats surrounded him. His Father among them. Dib felt wires growing out of his throat, skewering the membranes of throaty flesh, and was struck with a coughing fit, he looked down at his hands, they were stained with blood. His limbs began to ache.

"Now son, when have I ever FAILED at something?" Membrane interjected. Dib rolled his eyes. "I don't know, parenting?" Dib wanted to retort but kept that to himself, as his throat was not in the best shape.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, BOY! I will cure you faster than an incontinent rabbit can find a place to piss!"

Membrane directed the trapped boy to provide blood samples. There was a station within the bubble with a needle positioned over it. It allowed for samples to be taken from the subject without risking contamination. Dib obeyed and felt a small prick followed by lightheadedness.

"This should be enough, son. I should have the cure sooner than…"

"I GET IT, DAD! You are going to cure me REALLY FAST. CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP AND GET BACK TO WORK?!" Dib was exasperated with his Father's overconfident attitude. Couldn't the man just get to the point and begin work while Dib is STILL Dib?! Anger burned within him. He usually reciprocated his Father's apathy towards him. But today it was different. He was just so freaking ANGRY! And he was going to DIE!

Membrane took the samples and left the room. Due to his constant use of goggles and collared lab coat, his face was unreadable. Dib was stuck worrying about the progression of his illness. He felt so weak. His muscles ached and it felt as if he was wasting away. Coughing became more frequent, blood pooling with each cough. And there was an obnoxious ringing in his head, all freaking sounds were magnified in his head as if it were an echo chamber. The pain and the ringing made him want to annihilate anything in his path or die trying.

Meanwhile, Membrane was actually worried about his son for once. That POOR, INSANE boy! Why couldn't he stick to REAL SCIENCE and not constantly endanger himself just to prove that Humanity's collective figments of imagination are real?! And LOOK! Now the boy was infected with a virus out of a post-apocalyptic novel! All because he did WHO KNOWS WHAT trying to prove that the very fictitious aliens exist! He would have a talk with his son once this was over…

So far, Membrane had managed to create a serum that would hinder the progression of the symptoms; however, the serum would eventually cave in to the virus after one week based on the cell culture samples that were subjected to local temporal fields. A clever application of the hardware employed for the temporal object replacement device that Membrane believed to be a terrible and dangerous idea, as the time continuum is not something to be fucked with. It allowed for the actual cultures to be subjected to the passage of time, instead of in silico simulations where unknown variables may not be programmed into the simulation.

Membrane visited his son; blood was pooling in the whites of his eyes. And rage filled those eyes, inhuman sounds escaped from those near-ruined vocal cords as the boy continued his attempts at bursting through his bubble-like bindings. The boy gnashed at the bubble with his teeth and nails. Fortunately, the bubble was more resilient than it appeared to be. Running into the bubble at full speed proved to be a horrible mistake. Dib found himself being violently thrown in the opposite direction by the wall.

"SON, I need you to head to the sample-collection station so that I may temporarily relieve you of your symptoms while I look for a permanent cure!" Membrane bellowed, while the boy remained unresponsive and completely focused on escaping his bindings, froth had begun to come out of the boy's mouth.

Membrane was wearing a hazmat suit and held a syringe. He would need more personnel to assist him and hold the infected boy down. "CODE 345 AT ROOM 67Q!" Membrane pressed a button and yelled through the speaker.

Personnel were quick to arrive at Dib's holding room. Personnel carefully released Dib and tackled the raging boy as the Professor injected the serum into his son's muscular tissue. The boy seemed calmer and saner now. There was recognition in his eyes as he took note of his surroundings. Personnel's hold on the boy relaxed. The boy looked like he could now be reasoned with.

And then Dib ran off, slithering away from Membrane staff. The boy was still contagious despite the temporarily alleviated symptoms.

"ACTIVATING EMERGENCY CONTAINMENT!" The whole building was awash with blinking red lights and the blaring sound of alarms. Metal doors sliding down possible exits and sealing permanently. Membrane could not let the boy get away. He now had to deal with finding his poor insane son instead of focusing on developing a permanent cure. THAT BOY would be the death of him and many others if not properly contained!

-Meanwhile in Zim's lab-

Zim was livid. How dare THE DIB interrupt his work!? NOW the execution wouldn't be as SEAMLESS as had been intended. STILL, it would do… Widespread death and contagion and death would ensue, just NOT AS EFFICIENTLY as it would have had the Dib not been so FREAKING INCONSIDERATE and interrupted ZIM! He didn't get the chance to get the PERFECT selection of viral genes that would render Humanity into a pathetic doomed mess of MASHED POTATOES for Gir to EAT!

Instead of a pacific takeover due to contagion and death, havoc reigned over the streets of the dilapidated city. Enraged morons were rampant, engaging in feral battles with anything that moved. Tearing each other apart as if they were gladiatorial pieces of baloney. The monkey-brain of humans completely overrun with animalistic instincts was a terrifying sight. These beings were as frightening as the Halloweenies. And perhaps nastier with how DISGUSTING they were when they tore each other's shit-encrusted flesh.

Zim had to protect his BASE from these horrible creatures. He had captured one of them, a man without legs that happened to be his neighbor and had been a source of energy for his base throughout his mission. Zim would study him to learn his weaknesses and strengths, as well as which symptoms to expect as the infection progressed. The Irken had also boarded up the upper levels of his base and would commence lockdown mode soon, to keep Gir from destroying the barriers and letting in the feral humans.

 **AN: I have been REALLY busy, but guess who's going to be working with viruses now? No more menial office work! I am so excited about the project and glad that I will finally put my capabilities to use. This is how Zim must have felt like when he got his fake mission, but it's REAL in my case, so this is awesome. This is my chance to prove myself as a scientist. I am also incredibly excited about Enter the Florpus. I have finally watched it and enjoyed it although I miss the griminess of the original. I loved that Zim calls Dib "The Dib" like I do in this fic, and that Membrane does care about Dib, which I also incorporated into this fic. I am glad to have gotten Zim's wording right as I wasn't sure if I was making that up from watching too much Final Space. And I have loved the latest issues of the comic (e.g. cementing the fact that Zim is capable of loving something other than himself in issue 45). I look forward to issue 46 arc. I wrote the initial parts before ETF, by the way. This was a challenging chapter to write due to time constraints and the Membrane/Dib interactions. I am just making shit up at this point in the story.**

 **So, if it wasn't clear enough, Dib interrupted Zim while Zim was working. Zim only managed to make a virus that would not be contagious to Irkens and was incredibly contagious to humans and incredibly difficult to cure, but he didn't have much say in which symptoms would manifest. He was unable to pick and choose symptoms completely for his "Designer virus". And the increased mindless aggression is a hindrance to his mission.**


End file.
